I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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