My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
