R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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