so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
