I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
