I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
