I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
