ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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