so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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