my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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