So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
