I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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