Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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