Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
