this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
