Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
