Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
