You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
