If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
