Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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