mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize