Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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