hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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