They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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