You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
