i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
