Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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