I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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