In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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