I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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