There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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