so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
