Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
