GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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