im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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