i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
