it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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