Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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