don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize