I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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