I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
