beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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