just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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