Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
