Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
