Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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