Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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