Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
