Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
