he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
