HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
