god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
