I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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