I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Less talking, more tequila
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
