Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
