just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
