It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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