i permit you to call me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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