PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
