A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize