i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
