i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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