I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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