Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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