just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
