She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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