I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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