trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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