Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you win again, gameday.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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