Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
