After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
