Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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